Men and Fire - Vanquishing the Darkness
The profound power behind men's attraction to fire
Editor’s Note: This is a departure from my usual topics, but it landed on my heart to write it. I ignored it. It pressed me and pressed me some more. So here it is.
There’s something mesmerizing about a fire, whether it’s in one’s home fireplace, outside in a makeshift campfire ring, a permanent firepit, or a solitary candle flame. A dancing fire is beautiful yet also spectacularly dangerous. The tantalizing effect of snapping wood, flying embers, and the hypnotic dance of fire’s tongues of flame draw us in to the source. Is there something deeper to our attraction to fires and, especially men’s desire to start them? I think there might be and it just might include a touch of magic.
The Magic of Fire - A Mystical Gathering Place
At our little country “barn” church, we often have bonfires, sometimes even when the weather is warm, depending on the reasons behind the fire. After Evensong and Mass, everyone gathers around the designated area and waits in a sort of loud silence as our priest lights it and blesses it using ancient prayers.
Then the revelry begins. People spread their offerings of casseroles, main dishes, desserts, and more on the tables and counters inside the parish hall. Children run around the grounds whooping and hollering, while adults gather in little knots of conversation, sipping on wine, tea, or some other beverage. After filling our plates, most make their way toward the vicinity of the bonfire and find a place to sit. Some stay on the back porch, engaged in what I can only imagine is a fascinating chat.
Sometimes people stay until the wee hours of the night, long after most of the kids have tired of their running and games. These times create powerful spaces in our lives that pull us out of the troubles of our world.
Fires Keep the Heart of Family Aflame
My husband has always loved making fires. At home, we enjoy a fire almost every weekend, even when the weather is oppressively hot at it always is this time of year. We just don’t sit as close to the flames those nights. In colder weather, part of the appeal is, of course, the warm energy emanating from our outdoor fireplace, but it’s so much more than that; hence, the reason we carry on with these family fire parties in summer as well.
A more precise explanation as to why we do it is simply that as humans, we have a deep need to commune with one another in fellowship and this need must be first satisfied in that most basic of communities — our families. So, we’ve been doing this since the kids were very young and it’s something they look forward to still. The ones that still live here, enjoy it more often, but the older ones always look forward to spending some time with Dad and Mommy by the fire when they come for a visit.
One of the most powerful effects of a fire is that it provides a common focal point that doesn’t interfere with the connection of those around it.
There’s no real agenda, unless you count cooking simple food on a special cooking grate that one can swing over the flames for that very purpose, or roasting marshmallows for s’mores. The joy of cooking over a fire imparts a type of joy that using a stove simply cannot. The sharing of food, together, under the heavens has a way of melting away worries and anxieties that built up during the day.
Afterwards moments of collective silence and introspection are often suddenly interrupted by raucous laughter, storytelling, and singing. The laughter and lively conversations add layers of strength to the family bonds forged over the years around our family fires.
The Paraclete Reigns
Similar to the dinner table, a fire is a gathering place which makes a unique sort of intimacy possible — one that’s distinct from the regular daily interactions. It’s almost as if the fire sets aflame the walls we erect around ourselves at other times. Perhaps it’s The Holy Ghost, our Paraclete — Comforter — who sets our self imposed guards alight to free us from their bondage, allowing us to truly connect with one other.
After all, the Holy Ghost is most often symbolized as a flame and a symbol, in the Catholic context, is the use of objects or actions with an inner meaning. Hence, a fire carries with it a profound symbolism signifying the third person of the Trinity, giving those gathering around it a great opportunity to reflect on this and other mysteries of our faith.
Men and women both enjoy fires, but I think it originates from a completely different place in a man’s heart — a mystical place that he probably can’t fully articulate and, no matter, because women would not be able to fully relate anyway.
Some things really are too deep for words.
I've not been around a campfire for sometime but this calls back those memories with fondness. Now I want to start this tradition with my family! This reminded me of the reason I think men love smoking pipes and cigars together; the simple task provides an outlet for the men to converse in deep conversations normally bypassed. I think fires are similar, it gives men a task and depending on the time of year an important one. So therefore it's just enough busy work that other distractions can't be had (I'm looking at you cellphones) and the only thing left is communing with others.
My first two posts were about fire! We recently had our daughter and son-in-law over, and a spur of the moment campfire was started out back. Something special for sure!