For most women raised in the west, patriarchy is seen as the cause of all social ills: poverty, the imaginary pay gap, domestic violence, poor career performance, mean social media comments, just about anything else you can name. Like the Salem witch hunters of old, feminists claim to see the influence of patriarchy as ubiquitous. They see it in our schools, media, religion, and even romantic love relationships.
Women, like me, who don’t go ‘all in’ for the feminist trope of blaming the patriarchy (and, by default, men) for all the ills women face are either forced to renounce these heresies, or be “othered” to languish outside the sphere of polite company.
“One of feminism’s irritating reflexes is its fashionable disdain for ‘patriarchal society,’ to which nothing good is ever attributed. But it is patriarchal society that has freed me as a woman. It is capitalism that has given me the leisure to sit at this desk writing this book. Let us stop being small-minded about men… If civilization had been left in female hands, we would still be living in grass huts.” ~ Camille Paglia, lesbian feminist, in her book Sexual Personae
What is patriarchy, really?
Men and women have very obvious natural biological differences that are self-evident. Patriarchy simply divides social roles based on these differences. Of course it goes beyond our obvious physical sex differences; though, perhaps the most important difference is that women can gestate and give birth to new humans; men cannot.
Women need men and men need women. It’s about complementarity. In his article on complementarity, John Cuddeback shares this quote:
“From the beginning, family duties are distinct; some are proper to the husband, others to the wife. Thus mutual needs are provided for, when each contributes to his own services to the common good.” ~Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics
In a patriarchal system, men sacrifice by working for the benefit of their wife and children. Women sacrifice by caring for those children, providing for their education (as with homeschooling), and managing all aspects of the home. The sacrifices on both parts of the equation — the man and the woman — are acts of love. I’m talking real love. Real love is sacrifice.
Feminism — built on false precepts and bitterness
From a very young age, girls are taught they can be anything they want, do anything they want, have all that they want — no man necessary. To achieve this, we’re told that we must rely on our own power — or that of other women — never a man. Heaven forbid! And always, always berate any semblance of reverence or respect for the patriarchy.
According to Noelle Mering of Theology of Home, “Many women still crave a stable, mutual, satiating romantic relationship with an assertive, authentic, direct man.”
You’ve all probably seen the news reports. Over the past several years men are forgoing college, while women are going in much higher numbers. Then these women are putting off marriage and a family to pursue a higher degree. Then they can get all the ‘things’ and run their own lives. Often waiting until its too late to bear a child naturally. In short, they’re often absolutely miserable.
Men have been berated on sitcoms, told their minds are inferior, that they’re misogynistic, disrespectful to women, and bumbling. Many of them now cowtow to the shrew brigade of feminists, praying to avoid the vitriol and acrimony spewed by the adherents. They become a shell of what God meant them to be; and, in the end, they become exactly what women don’t want.
But this is what all the whining, nagging, and gnashing of teeth has wrought: an eager-to-please, sort of passive-aggressive male. This is the opposite of what women truly desire, whether they’re consciously aware of it, or not.
What are women to do?
I’m not saying every woman has to stay home and have lots of babies (although that’s incredible - believe me!). You can have a career and not despise the patriarchy. All I’m saying is that it’s crucial to embrace your feminine genius if you’re going to be truly fulfilled as a woman. There’s an art associated with losing yourself to your womanliness and it’s beautiful.
“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only — and that is to support the ultimate career.” ~ C.S. Lewis
Despite what people like Gloria Steinem said in decades past, you do need a man and that man needs you. I implore you to read Behind Every Masculine Man Is a Feminine Woman. You’ve heard the saying, “The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.” Women have sacrificed their true power for changing the world — raising children — on the altar of hating the patriarchy.
By raising children at home, not in a daycare or via a nanny, you mold them into the beautiful adults empowered with the character, integrity, and nobility to make a real difference. Like everything in life, it’s not always a cakewalk, but unlike everything in life, it’s always worth it.
Make it stop.
In this crazy world we’re living in right now, the last thing we need to be doing is fighting amongst the sexes. We need to get back to the basics of carrying one another’s burdens as husbands and wives. As Camille Paglia says in the quote above: I would not be where I am without my husband. I live each day to love and serve him and our children. Love is sacrifice. Everyday. Sacrifice is what makes life meaningful. Down with all this hatred of the patriarchy!
New offering: Commission an article
Amen. I wrote this a while ago. I am not my own Substack pusher, I hate it when people do that. But this is what I wrote about men. https://sadiejay.substack.com/p/shout-out-to-the-real-men
Amen. I wrote this a while ago. I am not my own Substack pusher, I hate it when people do that. But this is what I wrote about men. https://sadiejay.substack.com/p/shout-out-to-the-real-men